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To the Men I Stopped Dating Too Soon
Anne Rankin

On the eve of my second divorce, I see you all,
those choices I forgot to make. Or made on purpose.

You, who were too shy to kiss me after four dates.
And you, so eager to make me yours you proposed

I meet your mother on our never-to-be second date.
And you, the swimmer I’d gladly have joined for laps,

but you were so serious when I needed some play.
And most of all the one

I only spoke to by phone. For hours. And it felt so
right, until you said you wanted something casual.

But I was neither casual nor a thing,
so even after you left that long voicemail,

singing an Elvis Costello song and playing guitar,
I didn’t call you back, failed to see your aim was true.

And now I can’t hear your voice, don’t even know your name.
Truth is, most of you Ghosts of Dating Past

are so long ago the only way to Google you
is in my head, alongside the ones I wish I’d never

googled. The internet had not yet boomed when I was busting
out of my first marriage. A divorcée at 28, I was late

to the dating game but eager to learn the fine art of flirting.
I knew nothing about anything, and then some. Even less

about myself. Little Miss Guess in a mini-dress.
And the only thing I knew about men

was I wanted to park one inside me. Forever,
but gently. Yet all I could grasp of love

was how to live without it, and the yearning
the comes with the loveless life.

Seeking a soul mate while coupling with angst,
in the end missing the wisdom—or lacking the luck—

to hitch my happily with an ever-after.
Now I steal glances at all the couples at large, pondering

who we might’ve been. The too-tired-to-argue
parents of teenagers? Or the content-to-be

childless pair sitting quietly, their menu set long ago?
Or are you like me, perpetually placed at a table for one?

Left alone to sip my misgivings, all I can do is wonder:
When will you hear the song I am singing

and know this is your song too?

—
Anne Rankin’s poems have appeared in The Healing Muse, The Poeming Pigeon, Hole in the Head Review, Passager, Scapegoat Review, MacQueen’s Quinterly, Atlanta Review, Comstock Review, Whale Road Review, Rattle (forthcoming), and elsewhere. She received Honorable Mention for her poem “Small Primer on Loneliness” at the Belfast Poetry Festival 2021.

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